Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
