Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
