I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Come on in and take your pants off
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