That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
