he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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