Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
