i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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