If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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