Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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