i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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