she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
