I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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