I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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