Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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