So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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