so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
