So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
