but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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