I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
