the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
