One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
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So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
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there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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