Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
