so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
