I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
