Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
