Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
