it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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