the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
