I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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