You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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