I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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