i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
