omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
