i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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