I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
