I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
is wine microwaveable?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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