whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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