It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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