Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Blood and glitter go together right?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
