3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
