i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
