For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
