Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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