chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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