It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
