So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
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Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
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I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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