Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
