thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
