Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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