ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
