I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My vagina is officially offended.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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