While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
