You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
