I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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