guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
