Quick, to the slutcave!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
