i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
