They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
