You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
