i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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