it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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