If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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