So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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