I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
