A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
