she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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