I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
