My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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