If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize