when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Randomize
