FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
