bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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